Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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