If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
