My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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