I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
you will always have a special place in my vag
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
me + whiskey = a bad person
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
