garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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