I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
