My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
