you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
