He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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