they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
