in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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