so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
