It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
