That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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