Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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