careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Randomize
