You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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