im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
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Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
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I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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