she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
