I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
