she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
