he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
