I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
