Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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