The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
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Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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