Just cropdusted the office
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
