Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You've changed since you got that strap on
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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