Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
