Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize