Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
