If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
This baby is an asshole
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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