you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
The best revenge is premature balding
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
