cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
