So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
