Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
