We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
