I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
