you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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