i'm lost and i look like a hooker
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I smell like Dick and happiness
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