Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
