East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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