Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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