i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
