Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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