What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
