bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
So vagazzling was a success
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
