is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Sorry my hands just texted you
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
