whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
