rhymes with "ouble enetration"
you didnt know i had herpes?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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