this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
