3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Michael Bay diarrhea
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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