Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You are the jesus of drinking
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
