If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
