You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Randomize
