Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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