the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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