Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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