Everything about him screamed your future.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
