Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
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IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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