So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
