I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
