Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
