I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
