they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
