yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
