I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
They took my balls.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
