either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
