are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
