and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
