it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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