I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Please, let me fuck your mom
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
