Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
