I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Bring me that man meat
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
