How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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