the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
