ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
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I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
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All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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