Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
