he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
