I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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