How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
