the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
