Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
